July 6, 1996 - May 27, 2017
|July 6, 2015 - Age 19|
I feel so guilty, like I betrayed her trust.
My heart is broken.
In looking up yesterday's date, I discovered that Picot,
my very sweet little white Bichon, crossed over on the
same day in 1996.
My heart is broken twice over.
Nay, many times over remembering all my many
furbabies over the past 60 years.
In Memory of Copper (who was taken back to the pound by my parents without even telling me when I was 10 - I wasn't allowed to mention or even cry for him - a child suffer PTSD since even thinking about him almost 60 years later reduces me to sobs and anxiety, and yes, anger). After I left home at 19: Guinevere (the rabbit), Alexander (guinea pig), 2 more dear female guinea pigs whose names escape me at this moment, Gus (a wonderful widely roaming Aussie) of cancer; Truffles I and II, Vesuvius (Vee), Brother John, Sally, and ALL the hamsters (everyone of them with a name!), Paddy Cat in 1979 and all 15 of her kittens over the years; Charlotte (a Cocker) in 1993; Picot in 1996 (Bichon) of a highly aggressive mammary cancer, Sweet Charity (a tortie) in 1998? who grieved for Picot and spang off the bed in absolute delight when I came home with Andy, thinking it was Picot finally come home; Andy in 2008 from Lymphoma (a Bichon/Lhasa), I miss my little white dogs!; Brulet (flame point Siamese) age 18 who simply didn't come home one night in 2012 - I searched for months; and now Henna.
I miss and mourn them all!
And now I face having to rehome my really big boy, Oscar (Chartreux) sooner rather than later, which I am already dreading.
It is already too quiet and too still around here. Even Oscar
is unnaturally silent though I'm not sure he even realizes
Henna isn't here.
I didn't realize how much I was always listening for her and them all.
We get so attached and mourn so deeply when they
are no longer with us. Sometimes I wonder whether
the pain of loss is worth the incredible bonding.
Yes, even with all those procreating, escape artist hamsters.
I hear Oscar now. He'll want me to turn on the faucet in the tub so he can drink from it, then lots of cat treats. He's doesn't know it yet, but he's going to be put on a diet. As I need to be as well.
Life always moves on.