RIP MY DEAR SWEET HENNA

HENNA 

July 6, 1996 - May 27, 2017

July 6, 2015 - Age 19

I feel so guilty, like I betrayed her trust.
My heart is broken.

In looking up yesterday's date, I discovered that Picot,
my very sweet little white Bichon, crossed over on the
 same day in 1996. 
 
My heart is broken twice over. 

Nay, many times over remembering all my many
 furbabies over the past 60 years.

In Memory of Copper (who was taken back to the pound by my parents without even telling me when I was 10 - I wasn't allowed to mention or even cry for him - a child suffer PTSD since even thinking about him almost 60 years later reduces me to sobs and anxiety, and yes, anger). After I left home at 19: Guinevere (the rabbit), Alexander (guinea pig), 2 more dear female guinea pigs whose names escape me at this moment, Gus (a wonderful widely roaming Aussie) of cancer; Truffles I and II, Vesuvius (Vee), Brother John, Sally, and ALL the hamsters (everyone of them with a name!), Paddy Cat in 1979 and all 15 of her kittens over the years; Charlotte (a Cocker) in 1993; Picot in 1996 (Bichon) of a highly aggressive mammary cancer, Sweet Charity (a tortie) in 1998? who grieved for Picot and spang off the bed in absolute delight when I came home with Andy, thinking it was Picot finally come home; Andy in 2008 from Lymphoma (a Bichon/Lhasa), I miss my little white dogs!; Brulet (flame point Siamese) age 18 who simply didn't come home one night in 2012 - I searched for months; and now Henna. 

I miss and mourn them all! 

And now I face having to rehome my really big boy, Oscar (Chartreux) sooner rather than later, which I am already dreading.

It is already too quiet and too still around here. Even Oscar
 is unnaturally silent though I'm not sure he even realizes
 Henna isn't here. 

I didn't realize how much I was always listening for her and them all.

We get so attached and mourn so deeply when they
are no longer with us. Sometimes I wonder whether
the pain of loss is worth the incredible bonding. 

Yes, even with all those procreating, escape artist hamsters.

I hear Oscar now. He'll want me to turn on the faucet in the tub so he can drink from it, then lots of cat treats. He's doesn't know it yet, but he's going to be put on a diet. As I need to be as well.

Life always moves on.

Henna & Oscar

Henna turned 19 last week.She came to live with me as a maybe 6 week old kitten my neighbor's teenage daughter rescued from a microwave at a party she attended. !@#!@# !!! Once she reached adulthood, she's never been particularly lovey dovey, never wanted to be picked up or held for more than a few seconds at a time, and takes great exception to most other things these days, but for a cat over the age of 90 she's in pretty good shape. And though she has a "galloping" heart rate, she's not on any medications. That's remarkable!! She's weighed as much as 11.5 pounds resulting in reduced calorie food for years. Now she's somewhat underweight, so I'm trying to get her to eat as much as possible.

Happy 19th Birthday, Henna! (taken 7-15-15)

I figured Oscar was one of the local ferals when he showed last summer. I may have seen him even earlier than that, but I'm not for sure it was him. He started coming inside during the fall to eat and use the litter box. (Feral? Litter Box??)  I slowly got him used to me, such that when he showed up injured in early January, I simply picked him up and put him in the cat carier - no muss, no fuss. which is when I exclaimed "You've been handled before!" Realizing at that moment he wasn't a feral but likely someone's long-missing pet. To the vet's amazement, he tested negative for FIV, etc, but surprisingly wasn't micro-chipped. He'd been hanging around and/or in my house for at least 6 months. He needed treatment and since locating an owner anytime soon, if ever, wasn't an answerable question, I paid to have him stitched up and while he was under sedation, neutered. Three days later, he dropped the still a bit distant behavior and suddenly began to rub against everything in reach and purring like mad. That abrupt behavior change was really interesting to watch. He'd suddenly decided I was his and this was home. I did look for ads re missing big gray-blue cats for a while, but he'd been around so long by then if there was a missing notice, I couldn't find one. He's smart enough that if he was from around here he'd have long since found his way home. When the stitches were removed, I had him microchipped with my info. I originally thought he might be a Russian Blue since he has that unmistakeable blue grey coloring, but wrong color eyes, and he was already too big. I started researching other big blue cats with gold eyes and wooly fur and discovered and now and absolutely convinced he's a CHARTREUX. Mostly if not pure bred. How a  Breed still relatively uncommon in America ended up a stray on my windowsill I'll never know. In January he weighed 14.1 pounds and the vet said he was a bit too thin. A month later he'd already gained 2 pounds and in May he weighed 18.1 pounds. The vet said he'd be better off at 16 pounds. He's now up to 19.1 pounds. GOOD GRIEF!!  Since he's not outside 24/7 running it off, Oscar definitely needs to go on a diet!

Oscar January close-up -14.6 pounds

At the Vet's in May - 18.1 pounds! He's gained another pound since then.

Watching it snow in February

Again, I am convinced he's a Chartreux. His eyes are gold, He's got the distinctive wooly fur and at 16 to 18 pounds is the right size. And then there's the quiet trilly meow also particular to the breed. However, when he REALLY wants out or attention, he can get quite loud and insistent. If he's just announcing, it's the trills. But mostly he WANTS OUT. At times he runs to every window and tries to find a way. I've discovered that's usually linked to an urgent need to go potty, despite the fact he and Henna share 2 litter boxes. A couple of times he's left me a present - I guess because when he couldn't get out he didn't have time to make it back to the litter box. I am NOT happy about that! To get out he jumps in and out of the windows over my bed (once on my shoulder - it's like getting hit by a falling bowling ball, and for a long time bit my toes and grabbed my leg with all 4 paws. That was until he bit my heel while I was asleep and I inadvertently kicked him with said bitten heel right in the face. I apologized profusely but still feel awful about having done so. He did get the message and hasn't bit the back of my heel since. And when I say NO or make an irritating squawk he does quit the nipping and capturing. He also knows the word "stay" and no longer ALWAYS tries to get out the front door when I leave. Keeping him inside when I get home is another matter. His present favorite game is to flop on the floor and TRY to attack my feet as I step over him (after a belly rub, of course), just not as robustly as before. His favorite sleep position is flat on his back legs fully splayed. Silly, beautiful cat.


***

After years of putting it off, I suddenly need to have cataracts removed ASAP. Because I have small pupils and other issues, the surgery is going to be more complicated and take longer to perform and heal from than normal cataract surgery. Provided something doesn't come up in the mean time, first eye will be toward the end of July and the second toward the end of August. Because of the glaucoma, the eye surgeon will also be implanting a tiny stint in each eye. I'm told I will never know it's there. For years I've been telling myself, and those who feel compelled and entitled to scold me for continuing to put it off, that I'd rather see blur (which I am an expert at reading, by the way) than run the higher risk of cataract surgery. However, now because of recent faster growth of the cataracts that impacts on my glaucoma issues, it's more like I'd rather run the risk of cataract surgery than go blind from glaucoma. As I've already had 2 previous laser procedures done on both eyes that had no effect whatsoever on the pressure, I rather doubt this will either and I'm advised that more surgery may be well necessary in the future.  I am quite nervous and NOT happy about any of this!! So if you are so inclined a small prayer or kind wish would be appreciated.

***
The new Prairie Schoolers are out, but sadly with the news that after 32 years Pam and Nancy are retiring and these are their final releases. All good things ......

Good News - More Sad News

Alex April 2008

2004

April 2004

My son-in-law, Dan, called Tuesday to tell me he's been accepted into the M.Div. program at Brite Divinity School (TCU). I was unaware he had applied. However, I am very happy and excited as it is very meaningful to him. As he started to hang up he asked if I'd like to have the left over cat food from when they had a cat at the house.

Huh? WHAT??? I asked "Has something happened to ...." which is when I found out DD's 16-year-old Miss Chatty Cat (my name for her) had been missing for 3 or 4 weeks, since shortly after Brulet disappeared. I was disappointed they hadn't told me. Then last night at choir practice Dan told me that Alex, DD's almost 14-year-old Akita? mix had taken a turn for the worst, that they had put off the decision too long (they mentioned hard decisions in August when I last watched over DD's cat and dogs), and that they had asked a vet to come to their home. It turned out to be the same one that had done the emergency C-Section when Alex gave birth to her late-in-life, cruise-souvenir "Pups" in 2008.  Alex was gently released from her pain and the infirmaties of advanced age in her own back yard, with my DD holding her.

DD has never had to do this before and I know it was something she's been dreading for a long time. The decision was, as is usually for each of us pet owners, sadly inevitable. I've taken care of Alex and Miss CC off and on for the past 12 years (and more recently the Pups) when my DD was out-of-town - sometimes as often as twice a month for a week or more at a time. They have been as much part of my family and my heart as my own furbabies. I have been crying all morning. One of the reasons my DD kept 3 of the now 4-year-old Pups, was so that when Alex passed she would have something left of her. They are her solace. One looks so much like Alex we have all sometimes mistaken him for her. l can't find a picture of Miss Chatty Cat, a beautiful domestic long hair.

UPDATE: A night or so later, Heather got up in the middle of the night and was shocked to see Alex asleep in her dog bed. It was only when she reached down to see if she could pat her that she realized it was the look-alike Pup, who had never before slept in it. He continues to do so.

Still sad news & Exciting News re Brother

Sad: I have not found Brulee and am trying to accept I will never see him again. I still call when I'm outside or driving down the street and check the Strays list at Animal Services daily. I just keep really expecting him to show up.

Exciting: My brother, Jim, did some or all of the arrangements and will be part of the brass ensemble that is to play at the official welcome at LAX when Space Shuttle Endeavour lands in LA on Friday!! Way to go, Jim!!

Disappointing: But unless it lands before 10am there, I won't be able to see it as I'm scheduled to volunteer at Cowboy Stadium for some sort of Cowboy Stadium Staff Kick-Off Rally. I hope someone records the Shuttle Landing and Welcome!! That's soooo much more exciting! Maybe I can talk Jerry into showing it on the JumboTron?

Brûlée has been missing for a week

Brûlée is 16 or 17 years old. He is tall, very long and very lean. I adopted him in 1999. The vet said he was around 4 at the time. He'd been found wandering around a super market parking lot. He kept Maahing and reaching through the cage door trying to snag anyone who walked by to love and pet him. An Animal Services volunteer kept changing the euthanasia date hoping someone would adopt him, and persuaded me to take him. He's been an interesting and wonderful cat. Neurotic and needy, quirky and I would call him God's way of teaching me patience. He'd Maaah so loudly and so often that I converted a classical tune that I would sing and his MAAHS would fit in as part of. Until recently, he wanted / had lay between my knees if I was sitting in bed, on my shoulder and sometimes on my face if I was asleep. I thought his recently less dramatic behavior was him giving up after I forced him to stay inside when he desperately wanted out combined with all the chaos next door with new owners, new roof, city tree trimmers in our yards for 4 days, renovations with lots of people he didn't know. But I realized he might be ill. I'd planned to take him to the vet last Tuesday. I last saw him Sunday night. I had to go looking, but not necessarily unusual. He appeared from the bushes up the street, not unusual, but rather than let me get near to herd him toward home he ambled into the neighbor's back yard. I figured he'd be home in a few minutes. Hour at most. I thought I'd let the window open enough for him to push it open if he showed up while I was gone on Monday. I got home after dark and discovered I'd closed it too tight. I called and called and walked up and down the street. My neighbor insists he saw Brulee Monday headed home after I'd been out. Somehow he disappeared in that 50 or 75'. Did the possum I discovered eating the food I'd put on the window sill for Brulee frighten him off. Did someone manage to catch him? (I find that hard to believe). Did another wild animal get him? Was he scared so far away he can't find his way home? Did he wander away to die? I don't know. I've walked up and down the street dozens of times calling. Driving the neighborhood. Talked to anyone who was out, but no one has seen him. My neighbors, who all know him, can't figure it out either. I've been watching the Animals Services Strays list. I've listed him on their Lost & Found. I've called or dropped flyers to nearby vets. I have new flyers to put in mail boxes. I don't know what else to do. I feel so guilty not realizing he might have been ill and needed to see a vet sooner than I realized. I should have tried to get in Saturday morning rather than think it could wait until Tuesday. Have I done enough to try to find him? I just know IF he could come home he would have before now. Now he's gone. I don't know where. I don't know why.

My heart is breaking.